My cousin had her wedding reception tonight, and it makes me think a lot about what my own wedding will be like. She and Sean showed a video of different times they spent together and picures of the two of them, and both of them looked so unbelievably happy to be together. He had a huge smole on his face every time he looked at her and you can tell that they love each other and love spending time together. I don't think that D and I were like that. At least on my part, I loved being with him more because I love kissing than because I loved him. There, it's out. I really love kissing, and cuddling, and falling asleep on the couch with a guy and listening to his heart beat. I love holding hands. I love nestling my head on his shoulder. But really, I can do that with anyone. And it was a lot better the first half of the time we were dating than the second half. When I knew he really liked me and I pretty much really liked him (I guess I was never that into it until the time he started to stop being into it), all of the physical stuff meant so much more. It's hard for me to separate it in my mind now. When I stop to think about it, I really don't want to be together with him. The idea makes me a little sick to my stomach. But I still miss him a lot.
I'll find someone who's ten times better. I guess I just need to trust that it will happen for me.
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3 comments:
I don't think I know you--do I know you? How did you get started reading my blog?--but I feel your pain. I've been in your situation, down to the initial letter of the guy's name. (I call him Alea on my blog, not D, but that's neither here nor there.) It sucks, big time, but you did the right thing, and you're doing the right thing as you write about your feelings and work through all this stuff, and especially as you have faith in the Lord and His plan for you. I'm glad to see the last few posts are a little more upbeat. Best of luck to you.
I don't know you at all--I started reading your blog through the 100 Hour Board, and then I realized that you were my TA for Semantics. Annie Kershisnik recommended you to me too. I'm no stalker, I just like your blog a lot. I'm always glad to hear that other people have gone through the same thing as me. Even though logically, I know that tone of people have, it's hard to feel that way sometimes. Thanks for your support.
Oh, don't worry, I didn't think you were stalkerish at all. I like it when people read my blog, period. And hey, if I was your TA, you know me at least a little bit. (Whether or not I know you is a different story--I'm sorry, but I didn't get to know everyone in that class nearly well enough.)
Anyway, keep up the good work. I'm enjoying it and I hope you don't mind knowing people are reading.
PS: I love Annie!
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